Being Disabled

I’d like to think I handle being disabled pretty damned well. I don’t let it stand in my way, and I’m rarely depressed about it. The only thing that really gets me mad is wanting to do something and not having the ability to do it.

My geology lab from this week is 100% things I have no ability to do. It’s all accurate drawing of 3D map structures. If my drawings aren’t accurate, it effects the grade. On top of that, I need to study for a calc exam, which requires me to actually write (on my touch screen) which is possible, but painful as hell. I have a calc exam on Monday.

I don’t think I can do this Geology lab. I want to, because I’m an A student. This would be the third lab I will have taken a zero on, meaning I’d have NO chance of getting an A in that class. I’m so angry that this is simply because I don’t physically have the ability to do it. Mentally, I understand this perfectly. 

I’m so angry at my shitty, worthless hand and the doctor who fucked it up. It’s done more to damage my life than any one other single act. I fucking hate this hand. I wish I could just cut it off and use a prosthetic. It would work a million times better and might even stop hurting all the time.

Fuck!! I hate this shit!!!

I thought I’d share some pictures of the cute new clothes Rachel and I got at the Salvation Army, today. We were taking pictures together and spontaneous snuggling occurred. I love that I snuck some pictures of it :)

I also broke a rule, today. I bought my first pair of heels. They’re more comfortable than any I’ve tried before and they were only $4. I’ll post a picture if and when I ever wear them out.

Anyway, just sharing our joy. Rachel is incredibly adorable and I enjoy that a lot :)